Sunday, October 23, 2011

Friendship: Proceed with Caution

People who call me a friend generally appreciate my lack of a filter. I am sure there are people who call me an acquaintance who do not share that appreciation. However, being friends with me brings with it loytalty and a fierce - when necessary - level of protection. If I feel like a friend is being treated badly, or manipulated, or hurt - I am without the will to keep my mouth shut. This is both a curse and a blessing.

Lately, it has ended up being strictly a curse and has cost me some friendships.

To be quite honest, it cost me my most important friendship. But I am not ready to talk about that yet....the pain is still very raw.

However, I will talk about THIS. THIS OTHER THING.

So Friday night I unexpectedly found myself without kids - I was supposed to have one but things changed at the eleventh hour. I called up one of my girls and we went out to sing some karaoke at our favorite dive.

The night went as it usually does with us, with the usual parade of folks. I sang a few songs, we talked at length about this couple we always see there (look how happy he is now that he has a girlfriend! he's in a nice shirt! and he bought some of that spray hair!)(if he can find love, why can't we?)

The usual.

So I notice a woman at the bar that I haven't really officially met but whom I know is dating a friend of mine. Their relationship is, according to his Facebook page, SOLID. They seem happy, and are very much in love. They did go through a rough breakup several months ago, but from what I could glean from our conversations, it was because he screwed up and he eventually won her back, after MUCH MUCH mooning and whining and generally becoming one of those people whose statuses I need to block lest I lash out at them.

But now? Happy.

I saw a man come in, someone I also know. I hadn't actually seen him in a few years, and I was going to go up and say hello but...let's just say he was pre-occupied.

With my friend's girl.

Now...I try not to judge people. I know this isn't any of my business. I KNOW. So I tried not to pay them any attention. I did mention it to the friend I'd brought with me, since she also knows this guy we were both watching them. I debated getting involved. I hate the dramz. You guys KNOW i HATE THE DRAMZ. But when I got ready to leave, it had been over an hour and he still hadn't come up for air long enough for me to even say hello to him.

So I did the bad thing.

I texted my friend. I didn't give a lot of details. I just told him his girl was at a bar with someone I knew and I would want to know it if it were my S.O. canoodling in a public place.

I'm not going to get into the details about what has happened since. Let's just say I got a not-very-nice message from her, which I responded to not with an apology, which is what I think she mistakenly thought she deserved, but with conviction that my vision is indeed working QUITE WELL and that I stood by what I said.


So at the end of the day, the dude hasn't said anything else to me. And I probably should have just kept my mouth shut. God knows, I've been the victim of salacious gossip. OH, haven't I? But this wasn't gossip. I actually witnessed this with my eyes and I was appalled.
What he chose to do with the information at hand isn't for me to say but...should I have kept it to myself? I don't know. I'm learning though that maybe my definition of friendship isn't the same as the people I hold dear, or even the ones I hold kind of at arm's length.

Now I put it to you, friends - would you have sent the text? Or kept the info to yourself?

If I'm wrong, I'll admit it. But I'm gonna need some backup.

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