Monday, March 21, 2011

Playing to my...strengths...

So, this has been kind of a week.

In the span of 7 days, this happened.

The alternator - add it to the list!- went out on my car - on my way to pick my kid up for his already twice rescheduled orthodontist appointment. The alternator was fixed (Thanks, Bobby!!!) after some...drama...with an ex, and I rescheduled for the THIRD time for my kid..

Then, whilst doing some laundry, I noticed some smoke coming from the hallway. I'd just put my son's sneakers in the dryer and thought maybe the rubber had gotten hot or something, so I pulled them out and...yeah, the smoke was coming from behind the dryer.
I looked back there and saw that my vent hose was melted and that the wire was glowing red and smoking. Fun! And my favorite bra was RUINED...GRRRRRR. Unplugged all. Went several days without doing laundry until I could fix that. Which I did - all by myself. I was feeling very smug until...

I missed a day of work with excruciating back pain and - certain that I was passing kidney stones again - rushed to the doctor's office. Was given the standard tests and xrays and referred to a urologist.

And then, the cherry on top - I lost my job.

So now, urology adventures looming, I am also looking for my next vocation. Since I failed so miserably at pole dancing, I figure I should stick with what I know, which is accounting/customer service/bookkeeping/writing.

I have been giving some thought to a change in careers, though. At this point, school is not an option - I could get enough financial aid to pay for tuition, but not for the designer jeans and food and such that my teens require. But in keeping with the idea of trying something new, I decided to list out my strengths - areas where I excel - and see if they point me in a new direction that interests me.

1. Choosing the most expensive option. If you put in front of me fifteen of anything - shoes, earrings, apples - I will inevitably fall in love with the most ridiculously overpriced thing. It's a gift, really, but not one that I can see spinning into a career.

(These shoes cost a million dollars. But LOOK HOW GORGEOUS)(I know.)

2. Penmanship. This may seem like no small thing, but if you could see the writing of my ten-year-old self, you would know this is QUITE the accomplishment.

3. Line Dancing. I can still do the Achy Breaky Heart, the Watermelon Crawl, and even the Regulator. Bunny Hop? Electric Slide? Please. Child's play. However, I don't think demonstrating line dances going to put designer jeans on my kids' butts.

4. Driving Slowly in the Middle Lane. Because it's the safest, and if you don't like it, experience has told me that you can and will go around me. If you think I am bothered by your gesturing and slowing down long enough to share your thoughts, you are sadly mistaken.

5. Hanging Pictures Crookedly. I do not own a level, and no one walking through my house would dispute that. But because I want to put things up RIGHTNOW, they're just kind of thrown up there. I don't mind it but I am certain that it drives my level-using family members bonkers.

(Actual photo of something hanging in my dining room. Yes I fixed it after I took this. RELAX.)

6. Wearing Inappropriate Footwear. This is TRUE talent. If I am going to be called upon to walk along a cobblestone or brick-laden street, you can be sure that I am going to be found wearing my highest, slickest heels. And if it starts off at 70 degrees and drops to 30 below by noon - as it is wont to do in our fair state - I will be wearing sandals.

(NOT an actual photo of my feet - I would never wear shoes too small for me - TACKY!)

In looking at this list, I guess I should stick with what I know. Unless, of course, you want me to drive slowly to your place wearing overpriced heels and hang stuff up incorrectly, and then leave you a beautifully penned note. And if you do - I'm available for hire.

Please allow me to Bunny Hop my resume right over.